10 Before 10. Making Porn a Normal Talk.

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Sometimes it’s really intimidating to talk about pornography with your kids.⁠ This “10 before 10” idea was inspired by Ginny with: @1000hoursoutside, who has so brilliantly quantified something that seems overwhelming.

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You can do this! What about striving for 10 solid conversations about pornography before each of your kids hits age 10? Sure, more might be better, but just to give everyone a start. And, start early! Age 5 if you can (here’s some help!). This ensures that your ideas about pornography are embedded in them long before that first exposure.⁠

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• Instagram Reel: Right Age to Talk About Porn: Part 1
• Instagram Reel: Right Age to Talk about Porn: Part 2

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You don’t need to read them a research paper. Just talk! I’ve talked to thousands of parents about this topic. Some tips, tricks, ideas to get you started (and many of these work for kids older than age 10, too):

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Ideas to Make Porn the Norm

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✅ Shoulder-to-shoulder (less intimidating)⁠.

✅ Read their signs – look for openness. Readiness. ⁠

✅ Be patient. Wait for them.⁠

✅ Car time. Meal time. Bedtime.⁠

✅ Look for active times. Hands move = mouth moves⁠.

✅ Use age-appropriate words (here’s a post that helps!).

✅ Use a book.

✅ Use drips instead of dousing (little chats)⁠.

✅ Smile. Pray. Smile! ⁠

✅ Phrases like “Digital secrets – let’s avoid them!”⁠

✅ Give them a code word.⁠

✅ Don’t freak out! Don’t freak out! (if they tell you)⁠

✅ Steps: “Put it down. Tell someone!”*⁠

✅ “No matter what you see, you can tell me!”⁠

✅ “No matter what you see, I still love you!”⁠

✅ “You can always land safe and sound with me!”⁠

✅ Let 3-5 other trusted family members know.*⁠

✅ Did I mention, “Don’t freak out?” Yup!⁠

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You are all amazing and I bet you have more amazing ideas! What other tips would you share with a nervous parent? Please comment!⁠

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*If you create a process, like our “Put it down. Tell someone,” it’s really important that other, trusted adults know the process. What we don’t want is my son bumping into porn on Grandma’s iPad, him telling Grandma, and her freaking out, which communicates to Blake that he did the wrong thing. Super important!⁠ We expand on this more in our post, “How to Talk to a 5-Year-Old About Porn,” which shares multiple stories about how parents have handled the entire conversation.

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If you’re wondering what the fallout can be when kids stumble and struggle with pornography, we’ve identified five impacts that can truly change the direction of a young person’s life. Use these as motivation to get the prevention side right!

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For a bit of a laugh, here’s a video about making “porn the norm” from a recent talk at Calvary Chapel Chino Hills:

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What if I have more questions? How can I stay up to date?

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Two actions you can take!

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1. Subscribe to our tech trends newsletter, the PYE Download. About every 3 weeks, we’ll share what’s new, what the PYE team is up to, and a message from Chris.
2. Ask your questions in our private parent community called The Table! It’s not another Facebook group. No ads, no algorithms, no asterisks. Just honest, critical conversations and deep learning! For parents who want to “go slow” together. Become a member today!

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