You can do this! What about striving for 10 solid conversations about pornography before each of your kids hits age 10? Sure, more might be better, but just to give everyone a start. And, start early! Age 5 if you can (here’s some help!). This ensures that your ideas about pornography are embedded in them long before that first exposure.
- Instagram Reel: Right Age to Talk About Porn: Part 1
- Instagram Reel: Right Age to Talk about Porn: Part 2
You don’t need to read them a research paper. Just talk! I’ve talked to thousands of parents about this topic. Some tips, tricks, ideas to get you started (and many of these work for kids older than age 10, too):
Ideas to Make Porn the Norm
✅ Shoulder-to-shoulder (less intimidating).
✅ Read their signs – look for openness. Readiness.
✅ Be patient. Wait for them.
✅ Car time. Meal time. Bed time.
✅ Look for active times. Hands move = mouth moves.
✅ Use age-appropriate words (here’s a post that helps!).
✅ Use a book.
✅ Use drips instead of dousing (little chats).
✅ Smile. Pray. Smile!
✅ Phrases like “Digital secrets – let’s avoid them!”
✅ Give them a code word.
✅ Don’t freak out! Don’t freak out! (if they tell you)
✅ Steps: “Put it down. Tell someone!”*
✅ “No matter what you see, you can tell me!”
✅ “No matter what you see, I still love you!”
✅ “You can always land safe and sound with me!”
✅ Let 3-5 other trusted family members know.*
✅ Did I mention, “Don’t freak out?” Yup!
You are all amazing and I bet you have more amazing ideas! What other tips would you share with a nervous parent? Please comment!
*If you create a process, like our “Put it down. Tell someone,” it’s really important that other, trusted adults know the process. What we don’t want is my son bumping into porn on Grandma’s iPad, him telling Grandma, and her freaking out, which communicates to Blake that he did the wrong thing. Super important! We expand on this more in our post, “How to Talk to a 5-Year-Old About Porn,” which shares multiple stories about how parents have handled the entire conversation.
Chris McKenna, Founder: A man with never-ending energy when it comes to fighting for the safety and protection of children. Chris practices his internet safety tips on his four amazing children and is regularly featured on news, radio, and podcasts for his research. His 2019 US Senate Judiciary Committee testimony was the catalyst for draft legislation and ongoing discussion that could radically change online child protection laws and earned PYE the NCOSE Dignity Defense Alert Award in 2020. The PYE team has performed over 1,700 presentations at schools, churches, and nonprofits and was featured in the Childhood 2.0 movie. Other loves include running, spreadsheets, nature, and candy.
OMG! these are big issues for me I have two kids that are now 13 and 15 it’s a really bad age (teenagers) with ig views they saw many different things and now for me is really hard to explain to them how is everything. thanks for your help we should be more careful about our children.